Archive for January 2011
I love my life. Having been home for nearly three weeks now I have really been able to process some things and think about what has happened in the last year. This was a New Year’s I will never forget because of the awesome year behind me. I am not even sure how 2011 could get better.
Joy is not a word that my mouth has ever been able to speak of in the past. I am a pessimist! I really am. I like to reason that I am a realist, but I often have sounded purely pessimistic. I almost wonder if being a Philadelphia Sports fan breeds pessimism into you . My Myers Briggs personality test even suggests I have bouts of pessimism.
Add my pessimism to my 10 year battle with severe depression, anxiety, and inability to ever be satisfied, I can say I never considered joy a realistic feeling. I wasn’t even sure simple happiness was a possible feeling. In fact when I met those joyful, bubbly personalities I would often be gut wrenched and avoid any further encounters with them. I judged them, thought they were fake and hiding something.
Oh the Godly irony! I don’t think anyone will ever accuse me of being bubbly, haha. I like to play the over honest gruff character. B UT, today I hear myself answering curious questioners with excitement, joy, and more gratitude then I can handle. Wow, what an amazing God to allow me to be a part of the an amazing year.
Of all the scenarios I could write up to predict how last year would go, I couldn’t have imagined the script God wrote last year. I currently live with what I seriously think are the best 19-22 boys in the history of former street boys. I also will say we have the cleanest house of 19-22 boys and have some of the best disciplined boys. The progress we have all made together is nothing less than astonishing, or shall I say MIRACULOUS! The joy and gratification it gives me is like nothing I have ever felt.
When you combine the huge support network I have in DC, Philly, SC, and other places, I have enough blessings for an entire town. I have amazing friends, an amazing family, an amazing home church, I am doing ok financially, I am healthy. Along with some amazing close relationships and even add the amazing travel opportunities I have had, I can’t ask for anything more. It’s hard to believe that I can expect more in 2011, but I do because of my rock solid faith.
Joy runs wild in our house with the boys. There is so much laughter. I am not talking about the slight chuckling variety, I am talking about hearty, teeth shining, big, handsome smiles. We have some kids that have so much joy after having some majorly difficult circumstances, it is truly amazing. There are at least two kids that stand out to our team which allows us to just sit back and reflect on the joy these boys have and the joy they bring us. These are the smiles that get us through the hard times.
I have not had this feeling of pure joy since I was probably 14. I wish everyone could experience my joy. I wish I could be a testimony to those who struggle sometimes to find joy, fulfillment, or happiness.
I am so grateful to God for my supporters! I thank everyone for 2010 and can’t wait for 2011!!!